Image: Karin Bearnarth – Colorado Rockies
Just as Dinger emerged from his egg, the Rockies must emerge from this extended period of ineptitude.
A lot of folks have been making the argument that this year’s MLB free agency starts and ends at the top, and that its results so far have been bad for baseball; that the depth signings lack substance. I beg to differ. Teams like the Royals, Rays, Guardians, and A’s will always be able to find MLB regulars from the scrap heap.
It doesn’t matter that the division rival Dodgers spent a billion dollars on two of the biggest free agents ever. One is recovering from his second Tommy John surgery, and the other hasn’t thrown a pitch in MLB. No sweat, Coloradans.
For the Rockies—a team not constrained to a bottom-feeder budget, but more of a mid-tier one—they can find difference makers. Whether that’s a difference in the loss column or the bottom line, who’s to say?
The Headliner
First things first, Colorado needs a third baseman. I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time the Rockies had anything beyond an offensive black hole at the hot corner. They’ve had good defensive production there recently—namely Ryan McMahon—but nobody has provided the excitement you look for at Coors Field.
Bill Schmidt wouldn’t want to move a player of Kris Bryant’s caliber from the corner outfield, though he certainly could. He wouldn’t be as effective at third, and would probably miss more games than he’d play (as if he hasn’t already). I’d say Bryant can patrol right field for as long as he’d like. He’s a former NL MVP after all.
The market has cooled on former Blue Jay third baseman Matt Chapman. I think that’s less about his age, his defensive decline, and his perpetually poor strikeout rate, and more about teams not willing to pony up for a marquee addition.
Colorado should sign Matt Chapman to an eight-year, $260 million contract.
The Offensive Production Problem
With third base solved, the Rockies could go after a third baseman. Evan Longoria just wrapped up NL Pennant-winning season with the division rival Diamondback and also won a pennant with the Rays in 2008. This decorated veteran knows how to win, and will lift an anemic offense.
There’s another near-Hall of Famer available to pick Longoria’s throws from third, too: Joey Votto. While the 2010 NL MVP hasn’t won nearly as much as Longoria, his longevity in Cincinnati makes him a great add. How often does a team stumble into two generational players in one offseason?
Admittedly, my favorite player in MLB, Harold Castro, struggled with the Rockies this season. Obviously, his type of player—high-contact, low-power—will never play well at Coors, so let’s pursue the complete other side of the spectrum with Joey Gallo.
Fans will be on their feet whenever Gallo steps up to strikeout or clobber a ball that doesn’t clear the wall. The baseball-consuming public loves this kind of player, and lucky for us, that’ll happen about 70 percent of the time.
We’ll fill Castro’s spot in the lineup with Rougned Odor. He offers the toughness the Rockies need, and an added bonus, he had three 30-homer seasons before the age of 25!
I would further suggest adding catcher Martin Maldonado, despite his league-worst offensive and defensive metrics. He was a key leader on an Astros team that clung to their sixth of seven AL West division titles. Why is he available to us? I don’t know. But you always sign the guys from winners.
Of Course, The Pitching
Onto the rotation, a longtime bugaboo for this franchise. Ubaldo Jimenez isn’t walking through that door anytime soon, and you can’t expect Kyle Freeland to recreate his breakout (it happened six seasons ago!), so it’s time to add some arms.
The rest of the staff is filled with various Chad Anderson-types and a lot of Brads and Nicks and Matts. BORING. Let’s get some guys who will get butts in seats! How can we find a completely new starting rotation in free agency? Simple.
Johnny Cueto. Zack Greinke. Madison Bumgarner. Dallas Keuchel. Corey Kluber.
That’s a whole bunch of winners, guys. And since everyone is blinded by age and performance, or whatever, we can scoop ‘em all up for what, like, $70 million? Not only are you buying 1,000 innings, you’re buying winning, recently Cy Young-adjacent innings.
Now for the cherry on top, something that every winner of the offseason needs. Still-tenured general managers like AJ Preller have triumphed in these moments, like having both of the Upton brothers at the same time. It’s time for Bill Schmidt to make a mark on this franchise…again; to do something no one has ever done or thought to do before.
Craig Kimbrel signed with Baltimore for $14 million, yes. But he is the best relief pitcher on the market. Keyword is. Any player is available for the right price, so let’s ask the Orioles what they want. It doesn’t matter. You give them a tsunami of prospects for a guy who can lock down the end of ball games. Trade for Craig Kimbrel, and this offseason will be complete.
The Wrap-up
In a fraction of the expenditure of the Dodgers, Yankees, or any other team in this league, the Rockies have acquired an MVP, 36 All-Star appearances, 19 Gold Gloves, 5 Silver Sluggers, 4 Cy Youngs, and 6 World Series rings. That production from a free agent class is unmatched.
It’s clear that Coors Field would not only be packed to see the newly acquired, bright-shining stars, but that Rocktober is soon to commence again.
M-SABR 
Did AI write this?